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Friday, April 22, 2005

Dry as a Bone

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Time Out

A serin gas story we were forced to retract
It didnít really wash as a matter of fact
Our Columbine cover celebrated the attacker
And who could forget we made O.J. even blacker

Now weíve outdone ourselves, scraping the dregs
Ann Coulter convinced us to feature her legs
Skinny and white, yes we made them even whiter
Enhancing the asset Time thinks makes her brighter

The anti-feminist who canít keep it shut
Ms. Conservative Whore, Miss Political Slut
Muslims around her had better beware
Or anyone darker than the blonde of her hair
The Eva Braun without powerful dick
The abominable hussy who canít turn a trick

The Ms. Tim McVeigh with her treasonous pen
With her foot in her mouth again and again
Convert Muslims to Christians to help save the day
Bomb the New York Times building to keep liberals at bay

Missus Closet Minority, clawing her way
Through the Plexiglas ceiling she claims is okay
Barefoot and pregnant is how she wants them to be
While exposing her crotch every night on TV


As the election draws near, most voters have probably looked back to determine whether they are better off than they were four years ago, and then carried on shopping or guzzling whatever pills allow them to forget. Back then, in an age of $50 million blowjob investigations that moistened the upholstery on a million talk show television sets, terrorism was akin to something Ann Coulter did in the privacy of her Fox News appearances.

Clinton Fein, Popsicle Pathology, October 24, 2004

Remember the crazed woman who sits with her legs open in miniskirts pontificating Jesus and who recommended America "invade" other "countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity"? Well Ann Coulter, the blonde, demented talk-show tramp, has been immortalized with a Barbie-like doll released in her likeness in time for the holiday season. It could just end up being the best selling anal dildo of the season, (it actually looks like and talks shit)." Funny, Saddam Hussein cannot be tortured, but seems like the doll manufacturers,, are able to do it to almost everyone. I would recommend sending the deposed leader a Coulter doll, but why should the interrogators be punished?

Clinton Fein, Merry Muslim Christmas, December 19, 2003

Although easy for a man to posit, Village Voice's executive editor, Richard Goldstein, suggested that women subject to Arnie-style groping respond in kind. "If you want to stop gropinators in their tracks, grab them back. Not as a romantic response, but as a preemptive action when a guy is known for this m.o.," he wrote. And for a guy that has a rumored twenty five Hummers, and a slew of nude pics saturating the Internet, you evidently don't even need particularly large hands. And vice is the new virtue now anyway. Every Bill and Hillary Clinton hating media hack from Bill O'Reilly to Ann Coulter miraculously seemed to forget how important revealing the peccadilloes of public figures in private was, just as quickly as the Gloria Allred brand of feminists, who seemed to turn a blind eye to the former President's transgressions, grabbed Schwarzenegger by the metaphorical balls and squeezed hard.

Clinton Fein, Detox City for Botoxic Nation, October 21, 2003

If big oil fat cats in Texas werenít closing rank to muzzle the morons, one would think the barely literate, barely readable bomb bimbo, Ann Coulter, (who was shamelessly and flirtatiously porning her trite ramblings to the Solicitor General, Theodore Olsen, before his wifeís smoldering body was even removed from the debris of the plane that flew into the Pentagon) was co-scripting the White House public relations effort with Jerry Falwell and the editorial staff of the New York Post.

Clinton Fein, Dirty Little Dots, October 15, 2002

In a similar vain, as if cut from the same journalistic cloth, the rabid WorldNetDaily is under fire from, among others, the Council on American-Islam Relations (CAIR), for a fanatical diatribe written by one pathological John Maniscalco, dubbed, ďAn airline pilot challenges Arab Muslims in AmericaĒ. While violent verbal attacks against anyone who doesnít ascribe to WorldNetDaily editor, Joseph Farahís demented, perverted blend of patriarchal, heterofascist Christian supremacy -- that makes the mini-skirted, Barbara Olson-wannabe, Ann Coulter, look like Nadine Gordimer -- are to be expected, the brand dilution being perpetrated in the name of American Airlines is staggering. Published last month, (although numerously and earlier by other publications - and suddenly mysteriously absent from the WorldNetDaily site), Maniscalco is billed as an American Airlines pilot. To date, American Airlines has not challenged the assertion, nor disassociated their brand from the invective.

Clinton Fein, Jejune Journalism, September 1, 2002

Following the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, the very publications that define the shallow culture of celebrity (remember the It Vanity Fair issue?) are now ditching irony with about as much authenticity and believability as Donna Rice Hughes teaching American girls values or Solicitor General Theodore Olson reading Ann Coulter editorials over coffee in the morning.

Clinton Fein, Moronic Irony and Patriotic Hypocrisy
Publishing's New Refrain, October 1, 2001

Intellectually barren columnist, Ann Coulter, in a tribute to talk show partisan Barbara Olson that was about as sensitively timed and welcome as an untreated yeast infection on Prom night, suggested that America bomb the fuck out of whatever country was responsible. Children and innocent civilians be damned! And convert them all to Christianity. No doubt her perverted brand of Christianity that deems bombing babies nobler than oral sex.

Clinton Fein, The Second Coming
The Age of bin Laden, September 15, 2001


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